Varndell is Pom Fritzed

Tuesday 25 January 2011
Published By: David Rawlings
Heineken Cup > Stade Toulousain

It’s not a difficult rule to adhere to, is it? As a point of courtesy, please refrain from picking up your opponent and driving him head first into the turf.

Florian Fritz, despite having the name of a German flower arranger, is actually quite a good player, but he didn’t deem it necessary to remind himself of the rules before Toulouse’s Heineken Cup tie against Wasps.

Tom Varndell, he of fleet foot and an even more fleeting association with the England national side, was the victim of Fritz’s stupidity which rightly saw red, and big free bet will likely have seen an influx of bets in Wasps favour.

Might be useful in the future to tell the Toulouse centre to pass the ball backwards and tackle the chaps not wearing the same colour shirt as him. If he needs any help with what’s legal and what’s a little bit naughty, just ask Brian O’Driscoll, I’m sure he will oblige.

In a game remarkable for its idiocy, it wasn’t Fritz who took the much coveted Twat of the Match award. No, that honour was saved for the collection of twats (twatees? twati?) playing in black.

Here’s an idea. If you come up against the best side in European rugby in a winner takes all Heineken Cup group match to decide who tops the group and be granted the advantage of playing the quarter final tie at home, make sure you are actually in contention when you go up against the best side in Europe in the winner-takes-all Heineken Cup group match to decide who tops the group and be granted the advantage of playing the quarter final tie at home.

If Toulouse are the “Real Madrid” of rugby as Wasps head coach Shaun Edward’s suggested after the game, then the Glasgow side that Wasps generously laid down for earlier in the month to avoid the bother of playing anymore games in the Heineken Cup are the Accrington Stanley of rugby. No offence to Glasgow. No offence to Accrington Stanley.  All the offence in the world to Wasps.

Wasps will now take part in the Amlin Challenge cup having finished not quite-good-enough-runners-up behind Toulouse. They couldn’t even do that right could they? They couldn’t even lose properly could they?

That’s the dream alright, the dizzy heights of the Amlin Challenge Cup.  Even the name itself is difficult to type without an impending sense of boredom taking over. Even with the old men of Munster and the purveyors of the finest joke shop blood capsules Harlequins involved, the “challenge” in “Amlin challenge Cup” will lay purely with lifting the remote to change the channel rather than playing in the second-rate European competition. Bigfreebet may even take bets on it if you are lucky.

Oh, the game was quite good by the way. Wasps scored a try in the last minute; you probably should have watched it. Don’t look at me for a review, I was too gripped with the impending announcement of the Amlin Challenge Cup quarter finals to even notice the world was continuing to turn, let alone watch Wasps v Toulouse.