Coca Cola (Ellis) Park

Ellis Park is one of the great stadiums in the world. If you thought the rugby at the stadium was going to be rough think again, cos the walk to the stadium is murder. There is no parking for the fans and the stadium is located next to one of the roughest neighbourhoods in Johannesburg.

Generally people park almost anywhere and residents will try to charge you the price of a couple of beers to park outside their house.

If you want to get your car nicked go to a rugby match and leave your car there. Arrange a lift home with a mate cos chances are you will never see it again. Dont wear your Rolex either cos chances are that'll go too along with your mobile and your wallet.

The atmosphere in the stadium is very good. To combat the falling numbers due to the crime outside, the management put on shows and fireworks displays at half time and after matches. This has worked to some degree. Kids are usually allowed on to the pitch after the match to kick the ball around and play a bit of touch rugby.

The best thing to do when you find that your team is going to be playing at Ellis Park is to book a table at the Troyeville Hotel at 25 bezuidenhout street. This is not the kind of hotel that you sleep at though. Its basically a big pub.

Its a short walk from the stadium to the south. Once you get in the security gates at the entrance to the hotel dont bother with the pub on the right. Go into the little pub on the left. If you are looking for a loud and stuffy atmosphere then stay in there.

If not and the wife is with you or you fancy a cleaner glass go past the loos and head through to the "new room". This is much cleaner and the waiters speak at least three words of English as a pose to the other two bars where you would think you were in a country full of idiotic barstaff who dont know how to serve a pint.

I think the hotel is run by a portuguese bloke so the Steak rolls (prego) are quiet good but can be quite spicy. Surprisingly the chips arent too bad and dont smell like last weeks fish.

Anyway the idea is to get tanked up here in the Troyeville hotel and then head off to the stadium with about 45 mins til kick off. All that walking will have sobered you up a bit so get to the general area that you will be seated and head for the bar.

Order as many drinks as you can and if you have a jacket with big pockets stick a beer or two in the pockets when no-one is looking cos they probably wont search you and then make your way to your seat.

As I mentioned before the stadium is one of the good ones. The atmosphere is good and they try to keep the atmosphere up with a bit of music when the match stops for injury. The 1995 World cup final had an awesome atmosphere. If you can, try to get your ticket for the west side of the stadium so that you can see the screen.

After the match if you are not lucky enough to get into one of the many suites then you won't have many options. If you fancy picking up a slapper try to find the Castle beerfest which is generally filled with hundreds of tanked up fans. You are pretty sure to find a "willing" drunken lass in that lot.

Generally the locals will go home for a barbecue or they will head off to one of the pubs closer to home after the match. At this stage there is little else for you to do after the match. Some of the The Football world cup matches will be played at Ellis park in 2010 so apparently the whole area is going to be revamped and there will be lots of brand new cafes & bars are going to be setup for this.

Apart from the crime the stadium is a good one to go to. Try to go with a local or go in a crowd and you should be fine. Whatever you do don't get tanked up and walk alone late at night.